Anonymous asked: Is it okay to have no idea what your sexuality is? I usually don't think about it, but when I do, I get so confused. I'm a woman. I have a preference for men, but I can see myself being with another woman or a trans*person. I don't really think about sex a lot, and sexual attraction is kinda weird and rare for me. I just don't know what to call it and it really confuses me sometimes. Any advice to offer?
Well, let’s see, a few things of note here.
1) Yes absolutely it’s okay! I mean, if you want to figure it out, that’s cool, but no one gets to say “Oh no, you need a label right now otherwise you don’t count/you’re straight/gay etc”
2) Hmm…I’m not an expert on this topic, but what you’re describing sounds kind of like demisexuality, which tends to be more about the person and the relationship you have with them (if my understanding is correct)
It sounds like you’re some variant of asexual, like gray-a or demi (some reading for you), but Epona’s right that you don’t need to label yourself if you don’t want to, or just don’t want to right now.
Though, note: trans* people aren’t some mystical third category. Trans men are men and trans women are women, and implying otherwise is not a good thing.
Anonymous asked: My new boyfriend brought up the topic of sex in a conversation and that he has been wanting it for a while now. I told him I did too (because I really do) but I don't even know what to do t all. I know protection is a must. But what else should I know so I can go into it and know what I'm doing? Also, if the condom breaks I know to buy Plan B but can you always buy it in advance just in case it breaks?
You can indeed buy Plan B beforehand, and in fact that is a very good idea so you’re not sitting in a 24/7 CVS at ten at night hoping the pharmacy’s still open this late. Other things:
- Go slow. Lots of foreplay. Lube (plain, water-based) is a good investment.
- For actually having sex*: Think of his penis like a tampon, and insert it that way. It’s a lot easier than trying to insert it missionary style.
- Know how to put condoms on correctly (required reading and watching).
- Relaaaaaaaax. If everything doesn’t go perfectly (say it doesn’t go in or you go too fast and it hurts or whatever), that’s OK. You can try again some other time.
If you have other specific questions, you can drop another ask.
*since you bring up Plan B and whatnot, I’m going to assume you’re a cis, heterosexual couple. Feel free to correct this assumption.
coffeeandfisting asked: I wanted to share quickly my experiences with PCT: Something that I've found really helps is that, when I feel that emotional buildup like I'm going to cry / get sad, I try to force it out as a laugh instead, and often I wind up giggling for a little while. It's not something I could do with past partners (becuz sex was "srs bidniz," haha) but finding someone I can laugh with, even then, has really helped. It doesn't work all the time, but it does help me at least. <3
Anonymous asked: I've seen all those crying posts, and yeah people, it's pretty normal. Myself I sang or hum when i've reached climax.
Anonymous asked: I do the crying thing as well. Most of the time my emotions are released as a huge giggle fit but sometimes I just can't help but cry!! You are not alone Anon!
Anonymous asked: since we're on the subject of crying - for some reason whenever my g-spot is being stimulated I get really breathless and tense and start crying? doesn't happen with any other stimulation, just g spot and it's? really kind of concerning to me
Sometimes we like certain kinds of stimulation and dislike others, and sometimes it isn’t even a matter of liking and disliking, just different reactions we have to different sensations. There’s nothing wrong with it, and you don’t have to have your G-spot stimulated if it’s unpleasant for you.
Anonymous asked: To the anon who was worried about their crying post-orgasm/sex, I am sexually active as well and I masturbate regularly. However, I once had a full blown panic attack after a session once that left me shaken for a while, but like was said, orgasms can sometimes lead to huge releases of emotions. They're not always positive, but it is better to let them out than to keep them stored inside until they burst.
Anonymous asked: This isn't the original anon, but is post-orgasmic depression a thing? I rarely achieve orgasm during sex, and I'm always in a really good mood after intercourse, but when I masturbate I orgasm and I always feel like a sense of despair afterwards and I thought it was just me being weird?!
I don’t think it’s an official illness, one that’s been studied in detail and whatnot, but I’ve gotten asks about the exact same thing before, so you’re certainly not alone and it’s certainly not all in your head.
EDIT: I stand corrected. It’s called Post-Coital Tristesse.
Anonymous asked: I just masterbated for the first time. It was a success. I had to tell someone. :)
Anonymous asked: So I achieved orgasm for the first time in my life last night. It was the best sex I've had! (and I've been sexually active for around a year now) but when the sex was over and my partner was cleaning up I started crying for no reason. Not like sobbing but tears were coming down and I had no control over it. My partner felt really bad and cuddled me to help stop the crying but I don't even know why it started in the first place. Is this something I should be worried about / what should I do?
That’s totally normal. Sometimes orgasm can bring out really incongruous reactions, and that’s OK. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or your partner is or someone did something wrong: sometimes it just happens for no reason at all. And you did just the right thing: found what made you feel safe and let that help you come back down and stop crying. So if it happens again, just do that.
The only time I would look for other resources is if sex is a trigger for whatever reason (that is, it’s clearly not just randomly out of the blue, but a reminder of or connected to a traumatic experience) or if it’s more than just crying, like post-orgasmic depression.