“Consent is sexy” is rape culture wrapped in feminist packaging. “Consent is sexy” is no longer good enough, if it ever was.Moving Beyond The “Consent Is Sexy” Narrative | Fiending for Hope (via brutereason)
I can appreciate that there was once a need for this narrative. This line of thinking has served a purpose and helped bring conversations about consent into mainstream public consciousness. There was a time and a place for common sense arguments like, “Isn’t it so much hotter to get enthusiastic consent from a partner who whispers, ‘I want your cock’ than starting to fuck someone who isn’t into it?” The concept of consent was so far removed from mainstream conversations that we needed something catchy and simple and kind of glamorous for people to latch onto in order to hear what we had to say.
But I feel like at this point, we’re beyond that narrative. A lot of people get the concept of enthusiastic consent. We’re talking about it in more places and with more people than we ever have (though not nearly enough, I know). We’ve made some semblance of progress when it comes to talking about consent. And so it’s time to start framing consent differently. Because, to be quite honest, a thong with the words “consent is sexy” is not just not doing it for me, it’s actively offensive to me.
Because why is the end goal always for women to be sexy? Why is that what we’re supposed to aspire to (and while consent is not exclusive to hetero pairings, we usually only talk about consent as it relates to them, thus being that I, as a woman, should want to aspire to be sexy for a man)? Why is it that we feel like we need to frame consent as something appealing to men in order to make it worth talking about? What if I don’t want to be sexy? What if I just want to be respected? What if I just want to have agency? What if I just, you know, don’t want to be raped?
I am looking to create and publish an anthology about the intersections of transness, intimacy, and bodies. The goal is to create a multifaceted framework through stories and community knowledge that can be a resource for trans people, as well as their sexual and/or romantic partners. Examples of navigating complex experiences of intimacy are an area that needs a stronger voice, as the predominant representation of sexuality is through a cisgender perspective. Trans people often lack the voices of shared experience they need to express and understand their own narrative of sexuality. If society is to ever take trans individuals seriously as people to form intimate relationships with, or if any trans person has ever felt a lack of guidance in developing new means of intimacy, then this kind of knowledge needs to be created and shared.
Please submit a personal narrative, reflection/opinion, or dialogue/discussion.
Some thematic suggestions for a submission are, though by no means limited to:
- Language surrounding bodies, yours and others
- Touch and sensation
- Communication around needs
- Social expectations
- Sex and sex toys
- Positive/Affirming experiences
- Negative experiences
- Major personal or shared breakthroughs, such as perspective or experience of intimacy
Submissions should short, about 4-12 pages, though more or less is acceptable. People of all gender identities are encouraged to submit! I’m looking for a range of perspectives. Submissions will not be edited in their content, only their format. Please bear this in mind when you submit your piece.
Email submissions by 09/01/2014 to email@example.com
Please include a little about yourself so that your writing can be contextualized, as well as how you would like to be credited, as each submission will feature the name of the author or else be listed as anonymous.
I will be attempting to publish via Transgressive Press or Sotto Voce Press. Failing those, I will attempt other queer presses. Should I be unable to publish them in a traditional format, I will release the anthology for free via ebook on Amazon. Sadly, not all of those who submit will make the final iteration of the anthology; however all contributors published will receive a free book or a link to the ebook. Any profits collected from this work will be put into a trans scholarship for students.
A little about me: I am a non-binary Bay Area resident and on the cusp of finishing university. My future goals are to open a transitional housing non-profit for trans people and to be a sex educator, both of which I am actively working towards. In the spirit of education and trans activism, I am trying to put together this anthology. When I was going through my transition, examples of how to interact intimately with others and myself were hard to find. The information was out there, but buried or presented in an authoritative way sterilized of context. I struggled for over a year to find my own way, and only was able to after listening to others share their own experiences. I want to make a reference for people who are similarly struggling. I’ve wanted to contribute to the greater trans community in a meaningful way, something that wasn’t already happening. It occurred to me that many out there would benefit from such an anthology, so here I am attempting to make it real.
You can follow progress of the anthology and learn a little more about me at anthologyadventures.tumblr.com
Here’s something I’ve been working on behind the scenes for a while:
This kickstarter ends May 26th- the monday after London MCM Comic Con. During this time I’ll only be updating the Khaos side stories, waiting for you to decide the fate of Shades of A.
So, internet. This is your chance to let the world know that ace, queer and kinky people deserve places in the media, while getting cool stuff at the same time.
Signal boosting! If you haven’t read Shades of A (or Khaos Komix, which three of us mods are huge fans of), I highly recommend it.
Anonymous asked: Is there a difference between pansexual and omnisexual? Google isn't really happen :/
I haven’t heard Omnisexual as much as pansexual. Etymologically they mean the same thing (omni is Latin, pan is Greek). I’m guessing this is one of those “whichever label sounds best to you” things.
The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is that it’s an etymology thing on par with not liking the word “television” because it combines a Greek root and a Latin root (so, not pansexuality, but panphilia and omnisexuality). But I’m not actually sure, since I don’t identify as either.
Followers who identify as omni or pan: what is the difference for you and why do you ID as one or the other?